I am back again
All is the same but still so different
Do I mask it or do I run?
Away or towards something or someone?
On the cusp of something brand new
Only to change again and go askew
You can feel it, can’t you?
Like that chord that just wants to resolve
Or that bell just aching to ring
Like those words that are just waiting to be spoken
Slipping around the mouth, begging to come out and sing.
Like the pulse that charges through the chest
because all that wants to escape is the heart
Like that athlete on the line anticipating the shot gun
Or that homework that you simply need to start…
Because starting is all it is, really.
We worry about the things that could go wrong
We hope we don’t drown,
We hope we don’t freeze
We don’t want to be stuck in the sea of uncertainty
Where everything is either red or blurry
Facing a lack of security
With no way to escape ‘reality’
It’s not the start we fear, but the end
It’s when you look back down the path you chose
It’s when you see all the doors you closed
It’s when you see how your life is predisposed
It’s when you understand more than you know
It’s when you see all the things that could have gone wrong
It’s then when you worry it all will.
We fear what we don’t know…or so we claim
But if we don’t know, how can we fear everything the same?
Hypotheticals will keep taunting our brain.
“If only I chose that other class,”
“If only that wasn’t my final draft,”
“If only I had been more relaxed,”
“If only I said more when we passed,”
“If only each year didn’t feel like the last,”
“If only I had chosen to laugh,”
“If only I hadn’t got so attached,”
“If only I had the courage to state the truth, the facts,”
If only I had simply asked.
But nothing more than a memory is made from the past.
So I won’t dwell in what has already been done
The past has happened but the future’s just begun
I will live in the present and I will carry on through
The running and huffing,
The learning and loving,
The rushing and blushing,
The nothings and somethings;
The becoming,
Because complacency won’t get me there.
Change is inevitable, but it’s everywhere
Fear is an obstacle, but I am well prepared
Because now I am ready.
I am fully aware.
Now is not the time to look back then
I will ascend, while being unafraid to depend
On the important family and friends
I look towards something different but not an end
Because now I am here and I am back, again.
