Why Again?

Kendal Kaileina, Author

Kendal Kaileina is a senior in high school who is passionate about fiction writing.  She’s particularly interested in drama-based stories or stories with a deep, intense meaning that shows a plethora of emotions. She bases many of her writings on the worst part of reality. She likes writing and reading about the dark side of life, and the issues that many people face but are barely aware of. 

Why Again?

Kendal Kaileina

Why would you do this again? You can’t help it: the pull is stronger than what you remembered. You had it under control before, you knew you did, you still do. But do you? If you did, why would this be a problem? If you had this handled, why is it happening right now? All you can do is stare at the sharp end of it, waiting for it to call your name. But it’s calling you right now, isn’t it? Each second goes by, the louder the echo becomes, and the more it’s urging you to pick up its long sharp body. Do it. It’s just one more time. One time won’t hurt. But you’ve been doing so good for several months. Why now? Nothing is wrong, everything in your life is what you’ve been planning for yourself. But is it really? Other people have worse problems than you, you’re not struggling like them. Your life is good, stop being ungrateful. You could have it way harder. Be thankful. So why should this one time be a big deal? It’s not. So just do it. Everything is in the past. Think of the future. It’s just one more time. 

I can’t help it, and I don’t have it under control. I thought I did, but I didn’t. 

I just need the pain to go away. Please.